he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
