Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
