Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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