it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
