Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
