I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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