Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
