Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
