no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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