For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
