life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
