apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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