Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
