I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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