after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
