Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
