I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize