im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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