Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
