smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
"it" just moved
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
