Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
