You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
