there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
