Jerry, you need to find god
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
