singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
