i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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