I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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