How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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