Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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