please come you make the beer taste better
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
