i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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