Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
