i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
