party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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