Don't make out with my wife yet
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
