I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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