I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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