I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
