I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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