Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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