im drinking this country out of the recession.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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