her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
