if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
love makes seman taste better
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
