So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
