I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
