I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize