It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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