This girl is more easily done than said...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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