If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
