Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
