You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
