That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
