would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
