She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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