He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Everclear isn't food dammit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
