I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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