Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize