respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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