Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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