Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
