new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
