oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
