Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How does it feel to date your dad?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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