1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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