He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
