I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize