he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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