got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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