I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize