I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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