she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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