i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I intend to get homeless drunk
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
