so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
